9.00am – It is the most beautiful Spring morning outside my window – sun’s shining, birds chirping, fresh air wafting in through the tilted Velux window….life is good.
9.11am – Ever since I dip dyed my hair red on the ends, it keeps frizzing up, and not curling properly – it looks like my curls used to do after I brushed them. What is life.
9.29am – Does it make me a giant dork if I find it really satisfying to open a new bar of soap? I swear, I was born to be a housewife.
9.40am – Penneys Peach Bellini candles are life. How is it possible for two lumps of wax to smell so perfectly like a peach that you’d wait all summer just to taste? Wowee. Yum.
10.09am – I should go for a run. I have not exercised properly in forever.
11.23am- Writing cover letters for jobs like “I JUST WANT A BETTER LIFE FOR MY DOG!”
1.53pm – Took aforementioned dog on walkies in the woods. He borked at all the other dogs that were out, trying to enjoy their Monday morning. Rude.
2.38pm – I have boring chores to do for the rest of the day. Life is hard when you put off all the dull stuff ’til the last minute.
10.47pm – I have a pain in my side, and I told my grandmother, who drew a pentagram in holy water on my stomach. I’m actually in bits. What a pagan!